What do you look for in a partner

JohnNZ wrote: For those who has the patience to listen through the whole podcast. How much do you agree or disagree?

JohnNZ wrote: I'm glad that you enjoyed it!

Ah, the John Gottman! His and his wife's research has been quoted all over! besides the Gottmans "The Four Horsemen" of relationship which predict high certainty of ending of the relationship. Have you heard of the "Gottman ratio" which says that for a healthy relationship to thrive, there should be a ratio of five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. And there cannot be only(or too much like 13 and above) positive interaction either! The relationship gets "boring".

It is interesting to learn that no two people can be too far part. I think it really is about if you and your partner are both "consciousness". If both of you are kind and compassionate towards each other, knowing each other are always coming with a good intention but from different backgrounds. We just need a bit more listnening and understanding to each other, to see what the good intentions are and where they are from.

JohnNZ wrote:

Summerbreeze wrote:

JohnNZ wrote: I'm glad that you enjoyed it!

Ah, the John Gottman! His and his wife's research has been quoted all over! besides the Gottmans "The Four Horsemen" of relationship which predict high certainty of ending of the relationship. Have you heard of the "Gottman ratio" which says that for a healthy relationship to thrive, there should be a ratio of five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. And there cannot be only(or too much like 13 and above) positive interaction either! The relationship gets "boring".

It is interesting to learn that no two people can be too far part. I think it really is about if you and your partner are both "consciousness". If both of you are kind and compassionate towards each other, knowing each other are always coming with a good intention but from different backgrounds. We just need a bit more listnening and understanding to each other, to see what the good intentions are and where they are from.

Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed the information. Using this format any relationship with two people following this format is going to be happy and healthy. I did not know about the Gottman ratio but it makes sense. When people are putting forth effort, we want our effort recognized and praise by the person we are trying to please is motivating. It is easier to make changes in ourselves for our partner if we feel our partner genuinely likes us.

When working with kids I don't conscientiously use a 5 to 1 ratio to help motivated and change behavior. I try to use positive praise all day for the behaviors I am seeking, so that when they do break a rule (hitting, biting, etc) they are more willing to hear my correction and will come back and say "did you see Miss. T" ( Lol they can't say my name) I didn't hit them. They want that approval, and I am happy to celebrate their efforts! It is a positive cycle.


Adults are harder, we have negative experiences, that cause us to be defensive when someone is trying to share how our actions impacted them.

Do you feel this podcast has given you tools to try a healthy and happy relationship?

Yeah definitely. There are many other podcasts discussed similar topics and I have listening them for a while now. They definitely helped me in my most recent relationship. Although I didn't do everything right but I was aware of those things I did right and things could use a bit more work. In comparision to previous previous relationsips, I didn't have a clue what I was doing, and thinking back now, I realised how emotionally and relationshiply immature I was.

One thing I do wanna say is that both person need to have some level of consciousness in order to turely think about what's in the podcast, reflect within ourselves and make improvement towards a better relationship. Using the 4 hoursmen for example, how many of us would actually catch oursleves stonewalling or criticising our partners in the moment when being displeased by them? And how many of us could being non defensive when being crticised? I have certainly made so many of those mistakes in my previous relationships. But in the last relationship, I was aware of them when I was making those mistakes and was able to stop and get out of those viscous cycle.